In May of 2000, I shaved my head. With a razor. I took it down to the skin. I learned a lot that summer.

I learned that the people who dislike bald heads the most are old people. I assume that’s because of the connotations that go along with a shaved head.

Kids don’t care if you have no hair. It doesn’t matter to them – I assume they’ve not been subjected to hate via a bald man. Old people, I can only surmise, were all beaten up by a bald man. Or at least had their lunch money taken away.

Black folks aren’t real pleased with a bald white guy – with a goatee – but they don’t hate immediately.

I found I got a lot more respect from people when my head was bald. An example – I went to work one morning shortly after shaving my noggin. There was a girl working who wasn’t exactly MENSA material. I don’t remember what she said, but I turned and arced an eyebrow at her. She stopped, and said, “That was stupid, wasn’t it?” I replied, “Yes. Don’t talk to me anymore today.” Then I turned and walked away. It. Was. Awesome.

I think the reason I got more respect is because hair is goofy. Well, sometimes it’s goofy – but it does draw away the expressions of the face. There are a couple of pictures on my Facebook page – and I’m doing the arced eyebrow thing in both. One I have hair. One I don’t. No one’s told me that I was evil with hair. Without hair, I’m compared to the guy that formed the Satanic Church. Same face. Same goatee. Different head. But I did some photoshop work to the bald one to really bring out the contrast. Even if I did that to the haired picture, it wouldn’t be intimidating in the least.

Those were all things I learned on how it looked from the outside – but there’s a whole thing about what it’s like from the inside.

A lot of people think that being bald means cooler head. It does not. Having a little hair – stubble – is cool, but having no hair is very hot. Why? Hair acts like a radiator. Tiny little fins that draw the heat from the head and allows the wind to cool it off. Having a lot of hair is very hot – because it acts like an insulator. Having short hair acts like a radiator, allowing the heat to be drawn away. Having no hair… well that heat just sits there. People have a hard time believing this. I try explaining, but they look at me like I’m dumb. So I do the arcing eyebrow thing. I call it intimidating knowledge.

Hair grows fast when it’s short. If I didn’t shave my head at least once every 2 days, I’d have crazy stubble. Not a problem, right? Wrong. I nearly broke my neck the first time I tried to take a t-shirt off. The back of the shirt caught the stubble on the back of my head and BOOM. Velcro. My stubbly hair was like the hooks, and the t-shirt was like the loops. And wearing caps was painful at times. The inside of the hat would stick to my head, and pulling it off was a bit painful. Again, velcro.

Razor bumps. I don’t get razor bumps on my face, but I get them on my scalp. I assume it’s because my skin is sensitive on my head, but not on my face. Typically bumps occur because someone has curly hair, and the curls dig back into the skin. My hair is about as straight as it gets. So often I’d use stuff from the ‘ethnic care’ aisle at Wal-Mart. Bump Stopper II is what I preferred. Actually, it was really the only thing I could find. But it worked. Plus it also helped darken my scalp to make it match my face.

One night, I watched a movie with Christy – at her apartment. Her roommate had rented a movie, and because the roommate felt keeping the AC at 60°, it was cold. I ended up being under the vent. I got sick. Not like really sick, but sore throat, not feel goo sick. Once I got my head warm, it was good.

Oh, and my head would stick to the pillows too. Not horrible, but slightly annoying.

I’m sure there’s other things about shaving my head I’m missing here – but these are the main things I remember.

And yeah, I know it’s about to get cold, but I’m considering shaving my head again…

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